| (no subject) |
[Jan. 16th, 2004|05:47 pm] |
New journal. Meaning I won't be using this one anymore. So yeah, add my new journal. ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) _xbladetowrist.
I love you. |
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| Each day I'm swimming through molasses. |
[Jan. 15th, 2004|08:22 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Tsunami Bomb- Swimming Through Molasses | ] |
I don't get this. I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm not being someone different from myself.
God I'm such a fuck up. No wonder everyone hates me.
Good lord.
I'm sorry to everyone.
I won't be a nuisance much longer. Believe me. |
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| Be what you're becoming... |
[Jan. 15th, 2004|08:05 pm] |
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Where are Jill and Alyssia when you need them? I was laughing so hard last night when Jill told me about her being at the ASL show. Ahhh. That was a nice time. My sides were hurting from laughing so hard. I wish I was laughing now. But I'm not. |
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| Watch your back. |
[Jan. 15th, 2004|07:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crappy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Tsunami Bomb | ] |
I feel useless. There is no one in this fucking world who cares about me.
I can't stand this.
I'm fucked up.
People hate me.
I want this to stop.
I want to run away.
I want to get out.
I need to get out.
There is nothing going good in my life. There never has been.
I have no best friend. I have no boyfriend. I have no life. My parents hate me. My family hates me. Practically all my friends hate me.
I wish it would stop.
This is complete bull shit.
I am being myself. For those of you who think I'm not.
Believe me. I am.
It's like I'm sinking.
Slowly.
Ever so slowly.
And there is no one who can pull me out.
I'm drowning.
I can't get out. I need to get out. I fucking have to get out. |
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| Chained to hopelessness... |
[Jan. 15th, 2004|06:08 pm] |
I snuck on.
What's wrong with me? Am I that ugly?!
Jesus fucking christ.
I hate this.
I hate it.
I hate myself.
I wish that I didn't like him. I really wish I didn't.
He'll never like me.
Ofcourse not. Why the hell would he?
GOD! I hate this.
I cut last night too.
I broke my promise.
I promised my therapist I wouldn't.
too fucking bad
I can't help it anymore. I can't do this. I don't know what I'm living for honestly. I really don't.
Jill, I need you to call me when you read this, please. I want to talk to you. |
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| Many hearts did cry.. |
[Jan. 14th, 2004|08:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cranky | ] |
So yeah, I can't be on the computer tomorrow. Because I'm not supposed to be on right now. Haha. So yeah. If you want to talk, you have to call me. So yeah. Thats about it.
I love you.
kthnxbye |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 14th, 2004|07:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Silence. | ] |
My foot is asleep, and it will not wake up.
Don't you hate that?
Argh.
I'm still hungry even after all the food I ate.
Monday there is no school, let's have a party! haha.
I'll probably be going to the mall. Richland Mall that is, seeing as my mom isn't going to take me out to Columbiana. So yeah. If anyone wants to meet up with me, IM me like whoa. Haha.
AHHHH! MY FOOT! Jesus. Its tickling me ahhhhhh. Shitfucker
I really should be writing my skit for tomorrow, but I don't feel like it. Maybe I'll fake sick tomorrow. Haha. I really don't want to go.
Then again, I never do.
I hate this layout. I wish I could spiff it up, but I can't. And like...it won't let me. So damn this journal to hell.
I'm bored.
Someone should call me. And leave a message. And I'll call them back.
Or IM me. So yeah. |
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| We won't believe in anything... |
[Jan. 14th, 2004|06:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | bored | ] |
Today was boring. As usual.
Math class was so monotonous. I fell asleep when the class was almost over with. All period I kept closing my eyes and then opening them and I'm like "I can't fall asleep.." and then finally I was like, "Ahh fuck it." and I fell asleep. Jackie woke me up once the teacher handed out the pop quizzes that we had.
Ack.
We went to the airport today to pick up my uncle. He's here. We just ate a lot of Bojangles. Haha.
Mm. Food.
I'm not listening to anything. Just the sound of my fingers hitting the keys.
I have no life.
I need to go to the mall and buy new pants. jesus.
In drama we're doing a scene from A Midsummer Nights Dream and I play Quince and we're doing it as sufers. It's quite humorous. |
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| Drunken angry slurs yeah 31 flavors.. |
[Jan. 13th, 2004|06:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | energetic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Cursive- Art Is Hard | ] |
I want to go to the She Walks In Beauty show on Saturday a lot.
She Walks In Beauty = <33333333 x98342579273658023658726385 bajillion
SWIB is the best. Best. BEST. I feel sorry for the kids who have never seen/heard them. They are definitly missing out. |
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| Spoon out my heart. |
[Jan. 13th, 2004|06:23 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  creative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | A Static Lullaby- A Sip Of Wine Chased With Cyanide | ] |
The show on Friday is a no go.
I can't go. This is because of a stupid confirmation thing at 6:30 that I have to go to. But it's at Starbucks which is cool. But I really want to go. I want to see Jill (xscenequeen) and Alyssia (_44caliberheart)!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously chicks, we need to hang out. If you all have Monday off maybe we could meet up somewhere..somehow. You guys are so awesome.
So yeah, therapy session was good. I'm going again on the 27th. I'm home alone. Bwahahahaha.
Yeah. I'm bored.
I'm listening to A Static Lullaby. *gasp* That's right, I'm not listening to Estrela for once...hah. I'm having withdrawl almost. I love Estrela x937592 haha. But seriously, if any of you kids who read this have a chance to see Estrela, you had better take it! And if you haven't heard them before then..You need to like...I dunno, download it or something. Haha.
(Shameless Plug lol)
Man I don't want to do confirmation. It's stupid.
Haha, today I was talking to my therapist about death and how fascinated I was with it. It was fun.
Monday there is no school which is awesome like whoa so yeah.
Uh. I'm bored. I want a boyfriend. (Hehe Jill you need to find me one lol)
I want someone to call me, but then again, seeing as I'm online no one can get through because I'm using the phone line. Which sucks ass.
We might be getting a laptop. Which is cool.
I want my own computer and my own phoneline. But no. That'd cost too much money we don't have. Hah.
So yeah.
My uncle comes tomorrow. He's from Omaha, Nebraska. I need to visit him and see if I can find me some Saddle Creek bands. Haha. We're going out to eat tomorrow night and then he's going to my grandmoms house and on Sunday we're going up to my grandmoms house and spending time with them and coming back that night and taking my uncle to the airport.
My uncle is neat.
Yeah.
So I guess that's about all for this pointless entry. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 13th, 2004|03:52 pm] |
It's now time for me to go. Woo. Therapy. I just hope my dad can figure out how to get there seeing as my mom always takes me. Yeah.
I am bored to the max.
I need food too.
SHIT! I just realised that I probably can't go to the show on Friday. I have a stupid confirmation class to go to. DAMNIT! I need to see if I can reschedule it. Jesus. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 13th, 2004|03:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
I hate being lonely. I hate seeing Daniel and Chelsea together, it makes me want to vomit. I hate rejection.
I'm tired. I have a headache. I have to go to therapy session in thirty minutes too.
I want to go to the show Friday. Really bad.
My sister is nagging me to get off and put all the dishes into the dishwasher. Bleh.
I'm going to be on my own tonight for a little because my parents will be at schools for open house. Great. My mom has to go for her own students and my dad is going to A.C Flora for my sister. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 13th, 2004|02:55 pm] |
Today was a halfday which was good. Daniel let me listen to his cd player at lunch and I was listening to Silverchair, hehe.
I was supposed to spend the rest of the afternoon with Alexis, but she said she didn't feel well. She came by and brought my tapes back though.
I'm bored.
I have a really bad headache and like...yeah. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 12th, 2004|06:45 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | creative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Estrela- Blurred | ] |
Wow my sister is in deep trouble like whoa. She skipped school today. She didn't get home till 6:30 and she was supposed to be here at 4:00 and she's just in big trouble. My mom was going crazy trying to find where she was and now she's on restriction for two weeks. That's good for me though. hahaha. Means I get to phone and computer without interruption from her. Hah.
I'm such a computer hog.
Tomorrow is a half day so yeah, I want to hang out with someone, but I have another therapy session at 4:30 and we get out at either 12:30 or 1:00 I can't remember. I want to go to the mall.
I'm listening to Estrela...again hah.
I think I might make this journal 'Friends Only' but I'm not sure...I might. |
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| The sound now turns to silence. |
[Jan. 12th, 2004|05:07 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Further Seems Forever- The Sound | ] |
Got my report card. Here are the grades:
AAP Earth Science- 87 B
AAP History- 93 A
AAP English- 87 B
AAP Algebra One- 82 C
Advanced Dance- 88 B
Advanced Drama- 96 A
96 in drama?! How the hell did that happen? Jesus.
Alright.
Today was boring.
I got to spend lunch with Daniel and Chris which was cool. :)
Chelsea knows I like Daniel.
Turns out that even if my mom said I could go to Simple Plan on Valentine's Day I wouldn't be able to. They canceled the show. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Now I'm not as sad about it.
My mom's student teacher is annoying. Yeah.
I want to leave.
Tomorrow is a half-day thank you god.
Today we set up our projects and we all got to look at eachothers, and there were people who made fun of mine, and then there were people who really liked it. I guess it isn't that bad. I just don't think it was my best work. And it's blah.
I'm happy with my grades I guess.
No school Monday either. Which is rad. |
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| Muahahaha. |
[Jan. 11th, 2004|09:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cold | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Full House rocks your mom. | ] |
Thank you lord! I am done with this project I've been working on since October. It is done. My thing is being judged on Tuesday so yeah. It will go from there on.
I liked doing it, it was a great topic seeing as it was on the history of Punk Rock, but it just got soooooo annoying after a while. I was ready for it to be over with ahh. And it finally is.
So, school tomorrow. Need to figure out what clothes I'm gonna wear...I wonder if my clothes ever got washed haha.
I need to figure out what's going on Friday, and who I'm gonna get a ride with, but if I can go first hahaha. I love you kids who have offered me rides, you rock so hardcore. <3333333333 to Jill and Alyssia. You chicks are radxcore.
Ahhh I'm still hungry even though i've already eaten a ton of food. Bleh.
I get to go to a confirmation class with my mentor person on Thursday at Starbucks. Awesome.
There is this dude named Davis who I hate at my school, and now he's in my confirmation class. Great. Just great. He's one of the main people who make fun of me. He used to push me into lockers and shit. Jesus I hate him. I know hate is a strong word, but I seriously do hate him. |
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| Your eyes.. |
[Jan. 11th, 2004|05:27 pm] |
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I need to get out of this house. Fast. |
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| Speak soft.. |
[Jan. 11th, 2004|03:14 pm] |
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I'm off to get ready.. I have no clue what to wear. Livejournal is too addicting. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 11th, 2004|03:00 pm] |
I need to get out of my pajamas and get ready for church. Bleh. I want to go to the show on Jan. 16 quite bad actually. I also should probably stop listening to the Estrela demo before it breaks. I've been listening to it non-stop since about 12:30 today. hah. Estrela owns.
This is stolen from Jill aka xscenequeen
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| Tears of seclusion.. |
[Jan. 11th, 2004|01:14 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Estrela- Rivers Of When | ] |
I'm working on that stupid project. I need to focus, but it's kind of hard to when I don't feel like doing it. I have to go to this stupid church thing at 4:00 because I have to be confirmed this year. Piece of shit. I don't care about church or anything, I never go so why do I need to be confirmed?
Ehh. I'm so fucking bored. I need to go to the mall and get new pants. Anybody want to give me a ride? hah. I need to get out of this fucking house too. My parents are giving me shit again because of grades.
School is tomorrow. I hate it. Another week in hell. Atleast I'll get to see Daniel. And Jackie..Jackie pisses me off a lot because she always wants me to do drugs. I hang out with her for odd reasons. She's cool, but she's done waaaaay too many drugs. It's all because of her real parents who were dealers and junkies. Her real mom was a prostitute also. Jackie has done a lot of drugs in her 13 years of life. Coke, speed, and Ecstacy. Bad girl she is.
Ther eis a really nice smelling candle burning next to me. Smells like vanilla. I'm drinking Sprite. Yeah..
We just ate, well, more like my family did, I only ate corn seeing as I hate pork and that rice was disgusting. |
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